Of swimming & sadness

Updated: January 23, 2012 3:28AM

Molly Coonce’s teenage journey has been more itinerant and traumatic than most.

The 17-year-old Rosary swimmer was born in Denver and lived in South Dakota before moving to Newburgh, Ind., when she was 5.

Newburgh was where Coonce started swimming and enjoyed what she thought was a perfect life with her older brother, Nick, now 19, and her parents, Scott and Missy, who had been high school sweethearts.

That life was shattered when Coonce’s mother committed suicide.

‘‘I didn’t really look for [any signs] of problems,’’ Coonce said. ‘‘She was a great role model, and she probably just hid it well. It sucked, but I had a great 14 years with her.’’

The last three years have been filled with changes and challenges, though Coonce has found a stable home at Rosary, where she is one of the top swimmers for the Beads.

After Missy’s death, the family moved to the Quad Cities to be near relatives. Coonce spent her freshman year at Sherrard, which has no swimming team or pool. Competing as an individual, she finished seventh in the 200-yard individual medley and ninth in the 100 butterfly at the 2008 state meet.

The next year, Coonce moved to Iowa so she could swim on a team and won the state title in the 200 IM for Bettendorf. Next came a move to Rosary when Scott remarried and moved the family to Batavia.

Through all the upheaval, swimming was Coonce’s refuge.

‘‘The one thing that’s been constant throughout my life has been swimming, and I think that’s one thing — when I’m mad, sad or whatever — that I can take out my emotions in the pool and use that to my advantage,’’ Coonce said. ‘‘I want to keep that work ethic going that brought good things at Bettendorf and brought really good things here.’’

Indeed, Coonce had a great junior season, winning the 100 breaststroke and taking fourth in the 100 butterfly to help Rosary finish third.

‘‘She raced really tough for us [in the finals],’’ Rosary coach Bill Schalz said. ‘‘[The breaststroke victory] was a huge swim for us. If she gets fourth or fifth, we probably don’t get a trophy, and that race was close enough that she could have gotten fourth or fifth. It was a big lift.’’

Schalz lauded Coonce’s work ethic and positive attitude, but he sensed this summer she still was having trouble. When her club coach, Todd Capen, confronted her about reaching her potential, Coonce broke down in tears.

It was then that Coonce opted to get counseling, which has helped her to adjust to living with her stepmom, Lisa, a teacher at Glenbard West, and stepbrothers Kevin and Ryan, who are in elementary school.

‘‘You used to think there was such a negative stigma toward [counseling], and it’s really not,’’ Coonce said. ‘‘I was kind of the last one to go. My dad said we all grieve differently, and it took me time to finally say, ‘I’m ready.’

‘‘It’s been good. [The counselor] has actually helped me a lot with keeping the college [recruiting] stress down and adjusting to my stepbrothers.’’

Coonce, who is taking official visits to Ohio State, Boise State, Wyoming, LSU and SMU, doesn’t mind talking about her mother’s death, especially if it helps other kids dealing with a similar tragedy.

‘‘There are a lot of bumps in the road, but I think [one key] is you have to be open to talking about it, even if you don’t necessarily want to talk about it,’’ Coonce said.

‘‘It’s hard to look up and not [have her there]. Like last year, when I won, I wanted to look up in the stands and see her cheering, but I don’t have that anymore. But I think that you also have to do what you’re used to and keep that going. I could never stop swimming. I know she would have been so proud of me.’’

Though her mother’s absence is still a deep wound, the resilient Coonce is confident she is on a path to peace and prosperity.

‘‘I’ve been through so much that I’ve learned things in these short three years that people probably never learn in their life,’’ Coonce said. ‘‘So as awful as it was, it’s definitely taught me so much. .  .  . I think I have a lot of great things ahead of me, and that’s what I have to look forward to.’’

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